bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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