Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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