What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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