So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
