Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
