I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
