Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
