So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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