Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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