If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
