Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
