so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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