i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize