Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
