That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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