Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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