So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
