i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
