i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
