I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
