you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
