I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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