You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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