I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
