So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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