It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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