i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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