do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
