Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
