I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just pee around me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
