I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
