remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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