Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
