He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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