I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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