Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize