I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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