Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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