Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
