I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
