if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
