you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I could fuck to npr.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
