bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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