Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize