so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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