Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
