And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
