i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
