When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
