i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
