I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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