WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
