Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
