I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
