Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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