The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
