Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
