How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he thought i was a dude.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
