Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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