I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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