"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
