Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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