God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
