I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
