I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
