I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize