After last night, I could never be a politician.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
