Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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