woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
